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The best-known idioms for kindness are a heart of gold (a deeply kind nature), go out of your way and go the extra mile (make a special effort to help), lend a hand (help), a shoulder to cry on (someone who comforts you), a good Samaritan (a stranger who helps), wouldn’t hurt a fly (very gentle) and the milk of human kindness (natural compassion). There are also idioms for kindness that goes wrong, such as kill someone with kindness and a soft touch.
Below they are grouped by what you want to say: describing a kind person, helping, comforting, being generous, being lenient, and kindness with a sting in it. Each comes with a sentence in use, and where the origin is known, where it comes from. After the lists are the mistakes learners make most often, a note on formality, and a short practice set. If you want comparisons with like or as instead, see similes for kind.
Quick picker
| You want to say… | Idiom |
|---|---|
| someone is deeply kind | have a heart of gold; salt of the earth |
| someone is gentle and harmless | wouldn’t hurt a fly; a gentle giant |
| someone means well, even if they get things wrong | their heart is in the right place |
| someone helped a lot | go out of your way; go the extra mile; bend over backwards |
| you want to offer help | lend a hand; give someone a hand |
| someone helped a beginner | take someone under your wing; give someone a leg up |
| someone comforted you | a shoulder to cry on; a sympathetic ear |
| you feel sympathy | my heart goes out to; I feel for you |
| be less strict | cut someone some slack; go easy on someone |
| someone would give anything | give you the shirt off their back; generous to a fault |
| pass a kindness on | pay it forward |
| someone is too easily persuaded to give | a soft touch; a pushover |
Describing a kind person
- Have a heart of gold. Be genuinely, deeply kind. “He looks fierce, but he has a heart of gold.” Shakespeare used it in Henry V, where Pistol calls the king “a heart of gold”.
- Someone’s heart is in the right place. They mean well, even if what they do is clumsy. “The surprise party was a disaster, but his heart was in the right place.”
- Salt of the earth. A good, honest, decent person, often an ordinary hard-working one. From the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:13), “Ye are the salt of the earth.” “Her parents are salt of the earth: they’d help anyone.”
- Wouldn’t hurt a fly. Is very gentle and harmless. “Don’t worry about the dog; she wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
- A gentle giant. A big, strong person or animal who is very gentle. “Her brother is six foot five and a gentle giant with the kids.”
- A good egg. Dated British: a decent, kind person. “Old Pat’s a good egg.”
- A rough diamond (British) / a diamond in the rough (American). Someone kind and good underneath a rough manner.
- The milk of human kindness. Natural compassion. It comes from Macbeth, where Lady Macbeth fears her husband is “too full o’ th’ milk of human kindness” to kill the king. In the play it is a complaint; today people use it as praise, or ironically: “The landlord isn’t exactly overflowing with the milk of human kindness.”
Compound adjectives do much of this work too: kind-hearted, warm-hearted, big-hearted, soft-hearted, tender-hearted. They are not idioms, but they are often the most natural choice.
Helping someone
- Lend a hand / give someone a hand. Help, usually with something practical. “Can you give me a hand with these boxes?” A helping hand is the noun phrase: “She’s always ready with a helping hand.”
- Go out of your way. Make a special effort, taking trouble you did not have to. “The receptionist went out of her way to find us a room.”
- Go the extra mile. Do more than is expected. “Our son’s teacher really goes the extra mile.” It is often linked to the Sermon on the Mount, “whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain” (Matthew 5:41).
- Bend over backwards. Try very hard to help or please. “The hotel bent over backwards to make my mother comfortable.”
- Do someone a good turn. Do something kind for them. The Scout slogan “Do a good turn daily” uses it. The proverb one good turn deserves another means kindness should be repaid.
- Do someone a solid. American slang: do someone a favour. “Do me a solid and feed the cat while I’m away?”
- Take someone under your wing. Protect and guide someone less experienced, like a bird with its young. “A senior nurse took me under her wing in my first year.”
- Give someone a leg up. Help them get started or get ahead, from helping a rider onto a horse. “His uncle gave him a leg up in the business.”
- Look out for someone. Take care of their interests. “The older kids look out for the new ones.”
- Pitch in / chip in. Join in to help; chip in usually means with money. “Everyone pitched in to clear the hall.” “We all chipped in for her leaving present.”
Comfort and sympathy
- A shoulder to cry on. Someone who listens and comforts you when you are upset. “After the divorce, my sister was my shoulder to cry on.”
- A sympathetic ear / lend an ear. A willing, kind listener. “Sometimes you don’t need advice, just a sympathetic ear.”
- Be there for someone. Be available to support them. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”
- My heart goes out to someone. I feel great sympathy for them. “My heart goes out to everyone who lost their homes in the flood.” It suits public messages and condolences.
- Feel for someone. Sympathise. “I really feel for you; that’s a horrible week.”
- Put yourself in someone’s shoes / walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Imagine their situation. “Put yourself in her shoes: she’s new, and nobody showed her the system.”
- I feel your pain. I understand how hard this is for you. Bill Clinton’s use of it in 1992 made it famous, and today it is very often said with irony, about small troubles: “Your train was cancelled too? I feel your pain.”
A related proverb, a friend in need is a friend indeed, says that the friend who helps you in trouble is the true one (see the mistakes table below).
Generosity
- Give someone the shirt off your back. Be willing to give anything, even what you need yourself. “My grandfather would give you the shirt off his back.”
- Generous to a fault. So generous that it causes the giver problems. “She’s generous to a fault and never has any money left.”
- Open your heart / open your home. Welcome someone with warmth, often a stranger in need. “The village opened its homes to the refugees.”
- Have a soft spot for someone. Feel special fondness for them. “The head teacher has a soft spot for the troublemakers.”
- Pay it forward. Repay a kindness by doing something kind for someone else. “A stranger paid for my coffee, so I paid it forward for the woman behind me.” The phrase is older, but Catherine Ryan Hyde’s 1999 novel Pay It Forward and the 2000 film made it everyday English.
- Random acts of kindness. Small, unplanned kind deeds for strangers. Not strictly an idiom, but a fixed phrase people search for and use.
- Kindness costs nothing. A proverb: being kind is free, so there is no excuse not to be.
Two phrases that are often listed as “generous” are really about paying: pick up the tab and foot the bill. They can describe a kind act (“Dad picked up the tab for everyone”), but they also describe paying a fine or a repair bill, so they say nothing about kindness on their own.
Mercy and leniency
- Cut someone some slack. Be less critical or strict, especially when someone is struggling. Informal. “Cut him some slack; it’s his first week.”
- Go easy on someone. Treat them gently. “Go easy on her; she’s had a terrible day.”
- Give someone a break. Give them a chance, or stop criticising. “The judge gave him a break because it was his first offence.”
- Give someone the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best of them when you are not sure. “I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe the email really did get lost.”
- Turn the other cheek. Refuse to retaliate when someone wrongs you. From the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:39).
- A good Samaritan. A person who helps a stranger in trouble. From Jesus’s parable in Luke 10, in which a Samaritan, from a group the listeners looked down on, helps an injured traveller that others had passed by. “A good Samaritan stopped and changed our tyre.” In the US and Canada, “Good Samaritan laws” protect people who give emergency help.
Kindness with a sting
Several kindness idioms are warnings or complaints. Learners often use them as compliments by mistake.
- Kill someone with kindness. Harm someone, or win them over, with too much kindness. Shakespeare’s Petruchio says “This is a way to kill a wife with kindness” in The Taming of the Shrew, and Thomas Heywood’s 1603 play A Woman Killed with Kindness uses it as a title. Today it often means answering rudeness with determined politeness: “She’s decided to kill him with kindness.”
- Cruel to be kind. Do something painful because it helps in the end. From Hamlet: “I must be cruel only to be kind.” “Telling him the business plan wouldn’t work was cruel to be kind.”
- A soft touch. Someone easily persuaded to give money or help. “Ask Dad, he’s a soft touch.” Mildly critical.
- A pushover / a doormat. Someone so eager to please that others take advantage. Clearly negative.
- Too nice for your own good. So kind that it hurts you.
- Butter wouldn’t melt in someone’s mouth. They look sweet and innocent, but probably are not.
- The kindness of strangers. From Tennessee Williams’s A Streetcar Named Desire (1947), where Blanche DuBois says she has “always depended on the kindness of strangers”. It is now used both sincerely and wryly.
Kind, nice, generous, compassionate: which word?
| Word | Means | Example |
|---|---|---|
| kind | caring and helpful in what you do | It was kind of you to drive me home. |
| nice | pleasant; weaker and vaguer than kind | She’s nice, but I don’t know her well. |
| generous | giving freely: money, time, praise | a generous tip; generous with her time |
| compassionate | feeling for people who suffer, and acting on it | compassionate leave after a death |
| sympathetic | showing you understand someone’s trouble | a sympathetic letter |
| empathetic | able to feel what another person feels | an empathetic nurse |
| considerate | thinking of others’ needs before acting | It was considerate to text that you’d be late. |
In requests, kindly (“Kindly reply by Friday”) sounds formal and sometimes cold. Other ways to say “kindly request” has warmer options.
Common mistakes
| Wrong or unclear | Better | Why |
|---|---|---|
| He was a friend in need when I lost my job (meaning he helped). | He was a true friend when I lost my job. | In the proverb a friend in need is a friend indeed, the friend who helps is the “friend indeed”. |
| He shelled out for his car repairs, so generous. | He paid for everyone’s dinner: so generous. | Shell out means pay, often unwillingly; it says nothing about kindness. |
| We see eye to eye because she’s so kind. | She’s always willing to listen. | See eye to eye means agree, not show kindness. |
| Walk on my shoes for a day. | Walk in my shoes for a day. | The preposition is in. |
| She has a heart of diamond. | She has a heart of gold. | The idiom is fixed. (A heart of stone means the opposite.) |
| He’s a soft touch, a really caring father. | He’s soft-hearted, a really caring father. | Soft touch suggests being easy to exploit; soft-hearted is a compliment. |
| Let’s pay it back to strangers. | Let’s pay it forward. | Pay back is to the same person; pay forward is to someone new. |
How formal are they?
Safe in almost any setting, including a card, a reference or a speech: go the extra mile, go out of your way, a helping hand, my heart goes out to, a heart of gold, take someone under your wing, give someone the benefit of the doubt.
Casual, best with friends and family: cut someone some slack, do someone a solid, a soft touch, bend over backwards, give someone a leg up, I feel your pain.
In a sympathy message, keep it simple. “My heart goes out to you” or “I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on” is warm without being showy.
A short example
“When I started at the bakery, Rosa took me under her wing. She went out of her way to show me the ovens, cut me some slack when I burned the first tray of rolls, and was a shoulder to cry on the week my dad was in hospital. She’d give you the shirt off her back, but she’s no soft touch: try to skip the cleaning and you’ll hear about it. Salt of the earth.”
Practice
A. Choose the idiom that fits.
- He’s huge and quiet, and he’s wonderful with the toddlers: a real ______. (gentle giant / soft touch)
- The nurse ______ to find my daughter a blanket and a hot drink. (went out of her way / picked up the tab)
- Don’t be hard on the new boy. ______. (Cut him some slack / Kill him with kindness)
- Someone paid my bus fare, so I ______ by buying a coffee for the next person. (paid it forward / paid it back)
- After my exams went badly, my best friend was ______. (a shoulder to cry on / a heart of stone)
B. Compliment or criticism?
- She’s a soft touch.
- He has a heart of gold.
- They’re salt of the earth.
- He’s a pushover.
Answers
1 gentle giant · 2 went out of her way · 3 Cut him some slack · 4 paid it forward · 5 a shoulder to cry on · 6 mild criticism · 7 compliment · 8 compliment · 9 criticism
Quick answers
What is an idiom for a kind person?
“Has a heart of gold” is the most common. “Salt of the earth”, “wouldn’t hurt a fly” and “their heart is in the right place” describe different shades of kindness.
What is an idiom for helping someone?
“Lend a hand”, “go out of your way”, “go the extra mile”, “bend over backwards” and “take someone under your wing”.
What does “the milk of human kindness” mean?
Natural human compassion. It comes from Macbeth, where it is used as a criticism of someone too gentle to do something ruthless.
What does “kill someone with kindness” mean?
To overwhelm someone with kindness, either harming them by spoiling them or answering their hostility with relentless politeness.
Are there English idioms about love, kindness and peace?
Yes. Many kindness idioms overlap with love and peace: “a heart of gold”, “open your heart”, “turn the other cheek”, “bury the hatchet”. For the other two themes, see idioms for love and idioms for peace.
For kindness as an image in stories and poems, see metaphors for kindness; to understand how idioms work, start with figurative language.