Word for Someone Who Only Cares About Themselves: Selfish and Sharper Alternatives

On this page12 sections

1. Quick picker: which word fits the person?
2. Everyday words, from mild to harsh
3. Nouns for a selfish person
4. Idioms and phrases for someone who only cares about themselves
5. Softer and more professional ways to say it
6. Words that are easy to misuse
7. Opposites: words for someone who cares about others
8. Showing a selfish character in a story
9. Other forms of the word
10. Practice: choose the best word
11. Practice: replace "selfish" with something sharper
12. Quick answers

The usual word for someone who only cares about themselves is selfish. If you want something more exact, say self-centered (they think mostly about themselves), self-absorbed (too wrapped up in their own life to notice anyone else), self-serving (they act for their own advantage), egocentric (they cannot see things from anyone else’s point of view) or inconsiderate (they don’t stop to think how their actions affect others). As nouns, call the person an egotist or, informally, a me-first type; as a phrase, say they think the world revolves around them.

The best choice depends on how the person is selfish. Someone who never asks how your day went is self-absorbed; someone who takes credit for your work is self-serving; someone who won’t lend a pen is stingy. Naming the behaviour makes your description fairer and far more vivid than “selfish” alone.

Quick picker: which word fits the person?

Everyday words, from mild to harsh

These adjectives all describe a person who puts themselves first. They are listed roughly from the gentlest to the strongest, so you can match the word to how serious the behaviour is.

• Thoughtless – they didn’t think, rather than didn’t care. It was thoughtless of me to book the table without asking you. Good for a one-off lapse, including your own.
• Inconsiderate – they ignore how their actions affect others. Inconsiderate neighbours left their bins in the drive again.
• Self-centered (British: self-centred) – their own needs and feelings come first, as a habit. A self-centered friend turns every conversation back to themselves.
• Self-absorbed – so occupied with their own thoughts and problems that they don’t notice other people. It suggests obliviousness more than malice. Teenagers going through a hard time can be self-absorbed for a while.
• Selfish – the general word: they put their own wants ahead of others’ needs. It’s selfish to park across two spaces.
• Egocentric – they see everything from their own point of view and struggle to imagine anyone else’s. Toddlers are naturally egocentric; adults are expected to grow out of it.
• Self-serving – their words or actions are designed to benefit themselves, often while pretending otherwise. Common for statements, excuses and decisions. The minister gave a self-serving account of the crisis.
• Self-seeking – similar, but describes the person: always pursuing their own advantage. A self-seeking colleague who volunteers only for visible projects.
• Entitled – they believe they deserve special treatment without earning it. An entitled customer demanded a refund for a meal he had finished.
• Egotistical – they have an inflated opinion of themselves and talk about it. His egotistical speech thanked no one but himself.
• Ruthless – they pursue their goals with no concern for who gets hurt. A ruthless manager who fired loyal staff to hit a bonus target.
• Narcissistic – in everyday use, extreme self-admiration and a hunger for attention; it is also the name of a diagnosed personality disorder, so use it with care (see below). Her narcissistic posts were all selfies and complaints about being overlooked.

Nouns for a selfish person

Idioms and phrases for someone who only cares about themselves

Because Grammar Wisdom is about figurative language, here are the expressions English speakers actually use. Most are informal and more vivid than any single adjective.

• They think the world revolves around them. They act as if everything should suit them. Since the promotion, he thinks the world revolves around him.
• It’s all about them. Every situation becomes their story. Even at her sister’s wedding, it was all about her.
• They look out for number one. They protect their own interests above everyone’s. Sometimes said approvingly about business. In that office everyone looks out for number one.
• Me, myself and I. Used to mock someone who thinks only of themselves. His whole plan was me, myself and I.
• Full of themselves. Conceited, too pleased with themselves. She’s been full of herself since the award.
• They wouldn’t lift a finger for anyone. They never help others. He’d eat your dinner but wouldn’t lift a finger to wash up.
• Fair-weather friend. A friend who disappears when you need help. I learned who my fair-weather friends were when I got sick.
• Feathering their own nest. Using a position to get money or comfort for themselves. The director was accused of feathering his own nest with company funds.
• Every man for himself. A situation where people stop helping each other. When the layoffs were announced it was every man for himself.
• Navel-gazing. Thinking too much about yourself and your own feelings. Less navel-gazing and more listening would help.
• Tight-fisted / wouldn’t give you the time of day. Stingy with money, or with attention. He’s too tight-fisted to tip.

For more figurative language about wanting too much, see idioms for greed and metaphors for greed; for the related vice of vanity, see metaphors for pride.

Softer and more professional ways to say it

At work, in a reference or in a hard conversation, a label like “selfish” can shut the other person down. Describe the behaviour instead:

• He tends to prioritise his own goals over the team’s.
• She doesn’t always consider how her decisions affect others.
• He could be more aware of other people’s workload.
• When I’m talking, I’d like to feel heard; the conversation often moves back to you.
• The proposal mainly benefits one department. (instead of “a self-serving proposal”)

Talking about yourself, looking after myself, putting myself first for once and setting boundaries are neutral or positive. Not every act of self-interest is selfish.

Words that are easy to misuse

• Narcissist / narcissistic. Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis made by professionals. Calling an ex “a narcissist” is common, but in careful writing say self-absorbed or vain unless you mean the diagnosis.
• Egoist vs egotist. An egotist talks about and admires themselves; an egoist acts on self-interest, and in philosophy “egoism” is the view that self-interest is or should be the motive for action. In everyday English the two are often swapped; egotist is the one most readers expect for a boastful person.
• Self-conscious does not mean selfish. It means nervous or embarrassed about how others see you.
• Selfless is the opposite of selfish, not a variant of it.
• Mean means “unkind” in American English but often “stingy” in British English. He’s too mean to buy a round is about money.
• Self-centered vs self-absorbed. Close, but self-centered leans toward not caring about others, while self-absorbed leans toward not noticing them.
• Ambitious is not an insult. Use ruthless or self-seeking if the ambition hurts people.

Opposites: words for someone who cares about others

Selfless, considerate, thoughtful, generous, unselfish, caring, altruistic (formal), big-hearted, giving, someone who puts others first or would give you the shirt off their back.

Showing a selfish character in a story

In fiction and personal essays, an adjective is the weakest way to show selfishness. Readers believe what a character does more than what the narrator calls them. Compare:

• Told: Marcus was selfish.
  Shown: Marcus took the window seat, reclined it into his sister’s knees, and asked if anyone had brought snacks for him.
• Told: Her mother was self-absorbed.
  Shown: When I phoned to say I’d got the job, my mother said, “That’s nice,” and spent twenty minutes on her new curtains.
• Told: The boss was self-serving.
  Shown: At the review, he presented Priya’s spreadsheet as “something I put together over the weekend.”

Small, specific actions work best: who takes the last of something, who interrupts, who never asks a question back, who remembers favours they did and forgets favours they received. One telling detail does more than three adjectives. If you then want a label, one well-chosen word (entitled, thoughtless) lands harder after the reader has already seen the behaviour.

Figurative comparisons also help. A character who “moved through a room like it had been built for him” or who “collected friends the way some people collect loyalty points” is selfish without the word ever appearing. For more ways to build comparisons like these, see our guide to figurative language.

Other forms of the word

• selfishly (adverb): She selfishly kept the news to herself.
• selfishness (noun): His selfishness cost him friends.
• self-centeredness, self-absorption, egotism, egocentrism, entitlement: the noun forms of the other words above.
• unselfish, selfless, selflessly, selflessness: the opposites.

Practice: choose the best word

Pick from: self-absorbed, self-serving, entitled, stingy, inconsiderate, egocentric.

1. He split a $60 dinner down to the cent and wouldn’t cover the tip. He’s ________.
2. She talked about her holiday for an hour and never asked how my surgery went. She’s ________.
3. The CEO’s explanation blamed everyone except himself. It was a ________ explanation.
4. He expects the best desk and the first holiday dates every year without asking. He’s ________.
5. Our neighbours mowed the lawn at 6 a.m. on a Sunday. That was ________.
6. A four-year-old assumes you know his friend Sam because he knows Sam. Children that age are ________.

Answers: 1 stingy; 2 self-absorbed; 3 self-serving; 4 entitled; 5 inconsiderate; 6 egocentric.

Practice: replace “selfish” with something sharper

Quick answers

What is one word for someone who only cares about themselves?
Selfish, or more precisely self-centered or self-absorbed. As a noun: egotist.

What is a more formal word for selfish?
Self-serving, self-seeking or egocentric. In formal writing about motives, self-interested is the most neutral.

What do you call someone who only cares about money?
Greedy, materialistic or mercenary; if they hoard it, a miser.

What do you call someone who only contacts you when they need something?
A user, or a fair-weather friend.

What is the opposite of someone who only cares about themselves?
Selfless, considerate or altruistic. In everyday speech: someone who always puts others first.

Is it rude to call someone selfish?
It is a strong judgement of character, so in feedback or a difficult conversation describe the specific behaviour instead (see the softer phrasings above). Among friends, “that’s a bit selfish” about one act is usually fine.

Is “self-centered” the same as “selfish”?
Very close. Selfish often describes a single act (a selfish decision); self-centered usually describes a person’s general habit.

Want to describe the opposite kind of person, or someone’s character more broadly? Browse more figurative language, including idioms and metaphors for people’s personalities.